Monday, January 08, 2007

Religious Harassment

I was just attacked by a Jehovah's Witness.

Let's just cut to the chase: I am not a religious person and I have a very good reason for it, so when someone comes a-knockin' at my door trying to sell me Peace On Earth and Good Will Toward Men, I assume a (slightly cynical) frightened rabbit stance. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed how bible thumpers can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on before they actually get to the point? If you want to sell me something, this is not the way to do it. Tell me what it is you want up front so I can say no and go back inside instead of standing on my porch in 30 degree weather looking for my cat which got out because you knocked on the door and jabbered on and on and on and on and on and on. Thanks.

Even though I certainly didn't appreciate the interruption from my knitting, her spiel was mildly amusing. She showed me a drawing of some people sitting around with wild animals (lions, tigers, bears (oh my!), an alligator, koalas, gazelles, among others - is it pitiful that I remember?) and she asked me, "Wouldn't it be nice if we could all live together like this?" and I said, "Yeah, apart from the ferocious animals." Then she said "Oh no, we'd all live together in peace." and I'm thinking, Yeah. Peace. After the tiger rips your throat out, after the bear's done mauling you, after the alligator drowns you and feeds you to it's young, after the tiger kills the gazelle and chews up the fuzzy little koala bear, and after the tiger and the bear fight for territory domination.

Good luck with that.

4 comments:

allisonmariecat said...

Ah, fun stuff. I grew up in a house not far from a Mormon temple, so I know whereof you speak. I took to claiming to be a member of random religions like Zoroastrianism, which generally sent them running. I have a very "live and let live" approach to religion, but I usually hate being rude to people, which can be what it takes to get a zealot away from your door :)

snowdrop said...

That makes me think of the painting "Peaceable Kingdom". I loved that for it's value as a metaphor, as a human thing. Of all the other things it has to say.
Too funny, was all of nature living in peace before or after the humans drugged them or perhaps genetically engineered them? Or maybe it's how we communicate with animals in the future... No, mIld cynicism is the way to go, keeps balance...
Anyway, I haven't had any religious zealots around here in a while, but I remember... I react in a similar way!

Rain said...

Ah just tell them you donate blood, they soon start running.

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